Jeter parties, manager fumes

Derek Jeter partying with Shaq at a Tampa nightclub

TAMPA, FL -- After the New York Yankees Spring Training game today during which Derek Jeter went 0-for-5 with five strikeouts, Manager Maty McNeil confronted the Rookie of the Year shortstop in no polite terms for his poor performance. 

"What uh, what happened today, Jete?," McNeil asked as owner George Steinbrenner looked on. A puzzled Jeter, sitting near his locker hanging his head, mumbled a response. "I'm a little hungover. I was out drinking a little last night and perhaps --" 

But he was never allowed to finish his explanation because McNeil flipped a nearby table. Andy Pettitte and Mariano Rivera had been playing poker at the table, but the game was destroyed: two open decks of cards, four gatorade bottles, a Sony stereo, Rivera's bible, and twenty pieces of Bazooka bubblegum went flying through the air like a tornado ripped through. 

"God, easy skip," Rivera said, coming to his teammate's defense. 

"Shut the fuck up, latin Jesus," McNeil shot back, veins bulging in his neck. "Go out onto the field, now, and shag some fly balls. Don't tear in ACL." 

McNeil then addressed the entire club. "I want everyone out of this fucking room now! Go!" The players complied. 

"Listen to me, and I'm not trying to be mean or shitty with you for whatever reason you think," he said to Jeter. "We've hired a private investigator, think of him as a detective clubbie. He'll be following you around the rest of Spring Training. Anymore fuck-ups and you'll sit out the entire month of April. Got it? This ain't Greensboro and you ain't 19. So, man up." 

Jeter grew defiant. "But Boros said --" 

"Fuck Scotty Boras. He got his ass beat in a "random incident" today in a grocery store parking lot. Let's just say he didn't make it home with his Cheez-Its.  He got the message." 

Georgie Steinbrenner giggled and joyfully elbowed his manager saying, "God, I love this guy."